Chief Filtering Officer

I have a friend who always finds excuse for not keeping in touch. If you write to him any mail he will blissfully pretend he did not receive it. When you poke him with the next mail – he will reply with a shock – when did you send a mail?

And sometimes he even goes to the extent of pretending to have received only half of my mail – did you write about that? I did not see that in your mail?

I have only heard of the short term memory loss in films. But this short term mail loss is something new to me. I used to even wonder if the hotmail, gmail guys have started filtering our mails and are sending only those they see fit.

Imagine you have such a job.. Chief Filtering Officer (enough of this CFO junk jobs – what an interesting job this would be, wow!)

You to your boss: Boss.. I have kept some urgent emails on your table for your approval.. I have already done the first filter…

- Especially that one on this 65 year old guy retired from the AG's office writing to Jennifer Lopez on his passion for her and offering to will down all his pension money for her and asking her to pass it on to Britney if she has second thoughts..

- and the one from Raveena Tandon to Oscar guys asking about short cuts on getting the Oscar for the best actress for her latest film "tum bhee dulhaniya leke awoge our dulhan jayagi hum sabke saat kabhi idhar our kabhi udhar. oof.."

Your boss: sure.. sounds old to me. whatever has happened to that one half- filtered from Azharuddin to Serena on fixing a match with her own sister? And the one from Ganguly to ICC requesting for no slips for him as a special case?

You: Boss you seem to be sitting on much older mails than mine.. they should have been cleared years ago!

Boss: oops.. sorry. I guess I missed them. What are these new ones? Gambhir requesting to his doctor for a shoulder injury? Huh? read this man – please grant me 4 weeks of shoulder injury, yours faithfully?

You: that is chicken feed.. hear this out . Rohit sharma’s very confidential mail to BCCI – dear sir, I am sick and tired of this Tendulkar scoring runs. I have been watching him even before my birth and my father himself does not remember when he last watched a match without Tendulkar. Players like me have all been waiting to hear his retirement for the past several years. They said, last world cup, and then this world cup, and then IPL 2011 and now my team mate gave me a real shocking news this morning - that he wants to equal the record of the Aussies in the world cup! – 3 successive world cups! Imagine we win 2 and miss the 3^rd!

Boss: why has he blank cc’d kohli?

You: boss, this is why. See a similar mail from Kohli to BCCI on Dravid! “dear sir, I know cricket is a passion for Dravid. But why I should wait for his passion to end for me to work on my passion? I have never heard anything called – I have a passion provided Dravid gives up his passion! Do we have any legal method to resolve this? Anticipatory passion or something? ”

Boss: enuf of cricket man.. check out this one from Karunanidhi to PM. “dear sir, I am already 90 years old. And I have never heard anything about telecom. My sons and daughters when they were young, used to fight for a mobile – and I thought you are talking about that only. What is scandal? I thought Veerappan was killed long back. Nowadays all scandals are very safe. What is this spectrum? Relatives? Yes. I want my spectrum to be around me always. I love all my sons and daughters. So please leave me alone in these old days”

You: oh, poor old man. I pity him.

Boss: look at this one from Pak PM to Obama: “dear sir, it is a big shock for me that Osama was near my place. I had clearly published a notice in all news papers telling him not to enter pak before I left to watch the world cup cricket. After that I was busy stopping the fist fight between shoaib and Kamran. I am shocked that both of them never told me about Osama. I have asked BCCP to ban them from all kinds of cricket for a period of 3 weeks inside Pakistan. ”

And it goes on….

Imagine this business growing and becoming a conglomerate with various divisions – hotmail filtering division, gmail sorting office, face book I like it wing, face book comments department and so on…. I would take that job any day. So will you, I guess.